Campus Life Articles
By Andrew Kim and Stephen Barlow
Last week, in the latest addition to the Plan for Academic Enrichment, Brown University unveiled its plans for a $26 million project called the Walk of Shame, which will connect various residence halls and the bathroom at Viva on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
By Ben Wolpaw
In a press conference held yesterday afternoon, the Corporation announced a $100 million donation from rapper/millionaire Jay-Z to the Urban Studies Department. In recognition of the superstar's philanthropy, the department will be renamed "Jay-Z's School of the Hard Knocks."
By Michael Frederickson
Ever since Jimmy Kilgrove '09 texted HOTT to 55673, his phone has been literally teeming with phat beats by today's top artists. Though Kilgrove now gets charged $3.99 per month plus applicable carrier service charges, he claims it's a small price to pay for so many off-the-hook
ringtones.
By Ross Stackhouse
"I am green, and it'll do fine," Kermit the Frog told a crowded Salomon 101 Monday evening. In a speech sponsored by the Brown Lecture Board, the former-Muppet-turned-international-
celebrity addressed the environmental community and others about the challenges of upholding environmental standards in today's fast-paced and often unforgiving economy.
By Nathan Landers
At a press conference earlier today, a representative from Banner announced that the digital class registration system will soon be powered entirely by human bio-energy, the culmination of a three-year, $24 million effort.
The new system draws electricity from vast fields of human beings suspended in a pink, placenta-like goo.
By Adam Wagner
In what has developed into a very polarizing issue, the Brown Stand-Up Comics denied admission last week to Vic Doherty, a former marine who lost his legs during the Vietnam War.
Doherty, who spent four years fighting for our nation against the "git darn bast'rd-toothed, Soviet-lovin', flag-burnin' commies," engaged in a hunger strike as a protest of his rejection.
By Hallie Cantor
The number of inappropriate jokes made by students currently enrolled in Introductory Archaeology is "growing larger than ever," according to Professor Archibald Rogers.
The first incident occurred in early November. Holding up a digit-sized bone during lecture, Rogers remarked to the class on its durability.
By Kyle Poyar
In its bi-weekly meeting yesterday afternoon, the Brown University Community Council approved a new multi-disciplinary concentration to be offered by the Environmental Studies Department in conjunction with God. The seven-day concentration culminates in a BA in Ecological Design, handed down from Heaven by the Environmental Studies faculty.
By John Szymanski
The University has recently announced plans to extend its services to the wheeled by not only providing further access to everyday necessities like shelter and food, but by providing facilities to make their lives more exciting, and perhaps even radical.
By Michael Frederickson
Dave Thiesman '09 has scurvy. Having exclusively dined at Shanghai three meals a day for the last four months, Thiesman's body is observably devoid of any measurable nutrient. Though his food pyramid has recently consisted primarily of crab rangoon and duck sauce, his true undoing came at dessert, where seemingly innocent fortune cookies have slowly convinced him that some malevolent Asian oracle is watching his every move.
By Lauren Moser
At about 11:30 pm last Friday, an angry mob of Japanese students gathered outside of New Dorm B and made its way up Thayer Street looting and burning shops, according to Providence Police. At the height of the riot, there were an estimated 97 students involved.
The actual muffins, not the fungus.
By Levi Gadye
A Brown undergrad became severely ill after consuming a fungus-ridden muffin in the Blue Room last Tuesday, forcing Brown University Dining Services to temporarily shut down the popular cafe, according to BUDS Associate Director, Peter Rossi.
Bart Kasziew '09 purchased one pistachio muffin and an orange juice on his way to a 9 am class.
By Quentin Miller
Derek Stone '11 habitually plays intolerable music at times when no diurnal organism should be conscious, recent reports indicate. Research points to Stone's active practice of stupid goth vampirism as a cause of the nightly offense.
By Derek Stone
Do you know who is a whiny bitch? Quentin Miller '11 is a whiny bitch, say sources. These very same sources agree that Miller should have specified on his roommate form that he did not want to live with a Nightwanderer if he did not want to live with a Nightwanderer.
By Tasha Pelaez
Students were shocked and appalled yesterday morning to discover that their collective protest against wearing the same color shirt for a cause backfired. After deciding to wear a pattern that no one else might be wearing, they each reached for that one random Hawaiian shirt in the back of the closet.
By Tasha Pelaez
Students were shocked and appalled yesterday morning to discover that their collective protest against wearing the same color shirt for a cause backfired. After deciding to wear a pattern that no one else might be wearing, they each reached for that one random Hawaiian shirt in the back of the closet.
By Michael Frederickson
The utterly unobstructed and meteoric rise of Brown's chapter of the Pen15 Club was punctuated last Thursday by the Student Activities Office's approval of the group as a Category Three organization. This approval grants the club, and its president Han Sanders '09, over four thousand dollars in "social funding.
By Michael Frederickson
Facilities management has been looking into replacement parts for a projector in the Motorola room at the CIT after two students described the color of projected lecture slides as "sort of dull."
This problem comes up every few years as projector bulbs wear out.
By Michael Frederickson
In a turn of events that has no one surprised, ex-Double Dare host Marc Summers was incarcerated last Friday after reaching wildly into a stranger's nose in an attempt to remove "an illusive little red flag."
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