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As Math Professor Approaches Student, Awkwardness Approaches Infinity

By Jamie Brew

Just when Stephanie Tillsden '13 thought math professor Thomas Kandel's ineptitude had reached an absolute maximum, he yet again managed to reach a new plane of awkwardness when he asked her on a date to a social function. The encounter occurred on Tuesday in the third quadrant of the Main Green after Kandel altered his directional vector to intersect with Tillsden's.

Professor Asks For Help With DVD Player, Students Feign Incompetence

By Gregory Berman

Last Monday, members of ENGL1041 bore witness to the unfolding of an ironic tragedy. Students report that over the course of one class period, they lost a total 15 minutes of class time as a result of easily solvable difficulties surrounding a DVD player. The trouble began when Professor Arthur Remold, a published author with a Ph.

Physics Professor Just in Wrong Space-Time at Wrong Space-Time

By Jeremy Noah

"Of all the paths my day could have taken it had to collapse into this one", lamented Professor of Theoretical Physics Jim Hogrefe, who wishes he was in just about any other universe besides this one right now. "I really feel blindsided by this", the professor continued.

University Introduces High-Tech Friedman SCIENCE! Center

By Sandy Student

"Awesome!" "Yeah!" "This is so cool, daddy!" These are some typical reactions to the University's newest addition, the ultra high-tech Friedman SCIENCE! Center in the Sciences Library. The Center, which is funded by several grants from the United States Government and has been widely publicized for the access it grants the Brown community to groundbreaking advances in SCIENCE!, opened earlier this semester and has been thrilling students and professors alike.

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