The Brown Noser

Issue date: 2/6/07 Section: Campus Life

Media Credit: www.ifbb.com Professor von Woofen, left, with the German Department team at the BIGP.

In accordance with long-standing tradition, January 2007 saw the Brown Interdepartmental Games and Pageant, in which the German department was voted "Fittest on Campus" for the 56th consecutive year.

Through a combination of physical demonstrations and Mr. Olympia-style presentation of their impressive bodies, the German department, which has built what can only be defined as a dynasty, easily reached their goal again this year.
Professor Ernst von Woofen, who acts both as the department's physical trainer in the off-season and as captain during the actual competition, led Team Germany to their fourth victory with him at the helm. When asked what made his team so different from all the others here at this year's BIGP, von Woofen replied, "It's all about dedication. These other teams, they train hard for a month, maybe two, before the competition. We haven't stopped training since 1950, when we were embarrassed by our defeat by the French department in the first BIGP."

For von Woofen, physical fitness is inextricably linked with his German identity and pride. He named Friedrich Ludwig Jahn, a 19th century German nationalist and the "Father of Gymnastics" who promoted physical fitness as a way of securing the freedom of the German fatherland, as the most important influence on his training philosophy. As a child, von Woofen was raised to train on several pieces of equipment invented by Jahn, and eventually expanded his philosophy to include the belief that physical fitness was necessary for success in any aspect of life. It is this belief that fuels his team's seemingly tireless drive to train and improve.

Among the more impressive feats of strength demonstrated by the German Department were Professor Ernst von Woofen's 50-yard walk while carrying the entire staffs of both the English and Philosophy Departments on his extraordinarily well-muscled and well-oiled shoulders. His graduate TA and protégé, Hildegarde von Steuben, demonstrated that women of the German department are no less fit than the men when she beat out her competition by tossing 7 pianos into a second story window in only 20 seconds.

"We don't even show up anymore," said professor Jim Head of the Geological Sciences Department. "BIGP has become more of a pageant for the German department than a competition."

When asked about the victory, Ernst von Woofen had one thing to say: "Ich möchte einen Affen mit einem Löffel in meiner Hand essen und das tango mit vier Elefanten und zwei Zebras in einem Kreis dann tanzen, der mit Süßigkeit gefüllt
wird."

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