The Brown Noser

Issue date: 10/24/07 Section: Campus Life

The new toilet paper will be installed beginning in 2010.

The Ratty hamburger is going to space, NASA announced Monday. NASA will begin using the unique delicacy as toilet paper on future missions.

"Astronauts have been complaining about the obsoleteness of toilet paper for years. The Ratty hamburger just seemed like the natural step up," NASA administrator Michael D. Griffin said.

NASA engineer Garret Bronson '01, suggested Ratty hamburgers from his experience at Brown.

"First," he said, "the burger is durable, nearly indestructible actually. Second, the burger is flexible, allowing it to conform to all buttocks. Also, the burger is completely inedible, so it might as well be used for toilet paper."

The Brown community wasn't at all surprised by NASA's decision. In fact, Brown dietitian Bridget Visconti said, "I always knew the Ratty hamburger was destined for bigger and better things. I just never knew what."

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