The Brown Noser

Issue date: 4/30/08 Section: Campus Life

The relationship between Derek Jennings '11 and his longtime trusted companion and personal wet nurse Sally Davis is reportedly becoming "frayed and awkward." Sources close to Jennings say that the pair's dynamic began to change soon after Jennings transferred to Brown in January. Since then, said roommate Brian Wallace '11, Jennings has become noticeably "distant and annoyed".

The relationship between Derek Jennings '11 and his longtime trusted companion and personal wet nurse Sally Davis is reportedly becoming "frayed and awkward." Sources close to Jennings say that the pair's dynamic began to change soon after Jennings transferred to Brown in January. Since then, said roommate Brian Wallace '11, Jennings has become noticeably "distant and annoyed".

"Like just the other day, for instance," Wallace recounted. "We were all at dinner. Sally sat next to Derek as usual, though it was obvious he didn't want her there. He tried to sit between John and me, but Sally asked if one of us could move over. Of course, I did." Wallace continued, "Later, during the meal, she asked him if he wanted any butter. There were a few giggles. I admit, I partook. It was nothing malicious. Derek became all red in the face, though, and yelled at her. It was pretty ugly." He added, "None of us really have a problem with Sally. It is a little strange, though. At first I wasn't sure what a wet nurse even was. I thought it was a nurse who was…you know…wet. Needless to say, I was very confused."

Jennings denied allegations of the deteriorating relationship between Davis and himself. "I don't know what Sally's problem is. There's nothing wrong." He explained further. "It's just that, you know, times change. People change. I mean, there comes a time in a man's life when he loses the desire to suck on a woman's teat."

Unnamed sources "begged to differ."

Davis said she "just [doesn't] understand" the current state of affairs. "He's not the same, simple, thirsty boy I once knew. This new fancy school has changed him. I don't like it one bit. He feels as if he's too good for me, with all his book learning."
Although she is despondent now, Davis holds out hope. "I know the little Derek I once knew is still in there." She lamented with a shudder, "He's just so malnourished, though."

Some theorize that the growing rift between the two is due to an increasing sense of embarrassment on the part of Jennings. Dominic Reynolds '11, a close friend of Jennings, believes that he is ashamed of Davis. "It's society's fault, really," reasoned Reynolds. "Whatever is outside of common, accepted practice is rejected by others as strange and possibly immoral." He admitted, however, that he does think that "it is all a tad odd."
"I always just thought that Derek was lactose intolerant," added Reynolds.

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