The Brown Noser

Issue date: 10/24/08 Section: Campus Life

Media Credit: Fraser Evans

In a move sure to rock the Brown community and one member of that community especially, Max Locust '10 and Sammy Yalowitz '11 will release tomorrow the first issue of their new campus newspaper, the Brown Daily Harold, which will aim to fully chronicle the day-to-day life of Comparative Literature major Harold Pushkin '09.

Write Locust and Yalowitz in the inaugural issue's editorial, "We don't mean to challenge the Brown Daily Herald, but to supplement it. After all, how can we possibly expect one paper published five days a week, with about twelve pages of content every day, to chronicle all the events in the lives of nearly six thousand undergraduates? We may learn from the Herald that students complain there is too long a wait at Jo's salad bar, but only in the

Harold will you learn that Pushkin recently switched his go-to salad from Greek to Cobb." The new paper's front page is to be dominated by an article entitled "Life of Harold Pushkin '09 Dramatically Altered by Newspaper Chronicling It," which provides a detailed account of Pushkin's attempts to do work, sleep, make it to class on time, and generally carry out his life despite the group of reporters following him from place to place and constantly asking him detailed questions about what he has just done and plans to do next. "Some of the guys are okay," Pushkin said. "Like Mickey [Rudolph '12], whose beat is my lunches. It's cool 'cause now I have someone to eat with. But Nina [Monroe '10], who I guess is covering my showers, is pretty tough. It's always, 'Harold, are you conditioning in there? Harold, are you using that loofah?' No, I'm not using that loofah. Okay?"

Even more disruptive, according to Pushkin, is Jonas Marrow '12, a reporter on the sleep beat. "He's a cool guy and all," Pushkin said, "but he just kind of sits there and watches me sleep, and when he sees me move around he shouts 'What are you dreaming about now!' This one time I didn't want to be rude so I told him how in my dream I was on this ride at Disneyworld and my friend Ryan Stark from middle school was there. But then I asked him to set an alarm for me in case I'd forgotten to, and he gave me this whole lecture about how as a reporter he's not supposed to become part of the story. But then again, I guess he had a point." "It's just a little weird that I never met these people before," Pushkin said.

Continued...

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