The Brown Noser

Issue date: 12/5/08 Section: Campus Life

Ruth Simmons actually grew a mustache for this particular portrait.

In response to recent student demands for democratic reform in the Brown Corporation, radical autocratic student protest group Students for a Monarchical Society barricaded itself in Sayles Hall yesterday, once again calling for the University to scale back its transparency and appropriate funds for scepters. The scepters, which would be given to all club and organization heads on campus, are a symbolic part of the group's push to ban democracy in the Brown community.
When asked later about what specifically motivated such bold action, SMS Treasurer Emily Baffer '10 responded, "There's just too much they [the Brown Corporation] have been telling us about what's going on with the University. The Board Members were chosen by a higher power, and even though we did not vote for them, we trust in the fact that they have the long-term interests of the university at heart. Increasing transparency and allowing for democratic agenda-setting is only going to lead to SDS kids lobbying for more money for camouflage shorts and berets."

Spearheaded by senior members of the group, yesterday's incident, being called the "Sayles Takeover" by students, lasted for nine hours, despite attempts by police to open the barricaded doors. Inside the building, group members chanted and played the soundtrack from mediocre 2004 film 'King Arthur.' After failing to receive an official response from the University, members of the protest group decided to leave the building. A number of passing students, however, did stop to watch the spectacle as it disrupted an entire day's worth of classes.

"I think they're pretty disturbed," said freshman George Terps '12. "But honestly, I prefer them to those Che Guevara jerkoffs in Students for a Democratic Society. And you know what? Maybe they're right about the whole democracy thing. Why should the Corporation have to answer to students? Most of us spend our time playing Xbox, drinking cheap beer, and going to FishCo."

SDS member and protest- observer Ronald Thule '08 disagreed strongly with the Takeover's protesting students. "Don't they get it?" he said, pointing to a protestor wearing a powdered wig and a crown while hanging out of a window. "The Corporation is trying to force us to be their slaves while they make all the decisions. Democracy must be brought to Brown. Everyone deserves a voice on campus-no exceptions."

Continued...

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