The Brown Noser

Issue date: 4/24/09 Section: Campus Life

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin recently launched her first national campaign since becoming what many consider the largest pothole in Arizona Sen. John McCain's road to the White House.

Palin's newest program, Bring Your Daughter's Daughter to Work Day (BYDDWD), promises to provide more of the same traditional family values which failed to drive enough Republicans to the polls in early November. A recent initiate into grandmotherhood, Palin was eager to comment on the experience and how it inspired BYDDWD.

When her daughter, Bristol, announced amid a still hotly contested presidential campaign that she had been impregnated out of wedlock, Palin "realized B was on to something. I want to show off, er, show how with a strong family structure, even an unwed minor and her parents can raise a perfectly good child."

"It hasn't been easy, no sir," Palin continued. "But I think my position. Position as a governor. That will help."

When asked if the nebulous 'help' was to come in the form of economic aid for her state, which faces rising unemployment and suicide rates, Palin responded, "Oh lord no."

"All that numbers mumbo jumbo distracts hard working Americans from the real issues." The real issues? In Palin's words, "Abstinence and self-respect."

Next on Palin's to-do list is a nationwide campaign to promote Bring Your Little Sister to a Frat Party Day.

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