The Brown Noser

Issue date: 4/24/09 Section: Science & Technology

Media Credit: Jeff Olshan A corollary to Edwin's Urinal Priority Theory states that the middle stall is the most desirable if and only if all outer stalls are out of toilet paper.

In Monday's email to the Brown community, President Ruth Simmons announced the finalization of controversial plans to remove the central toilet stall from dozens of Brown's three-stall bathrooms, with the stated aim of improving campus efficiency.

The decision came after a nine-person investigative council, headed by bathroom economic theorist Allister Munroe, concluded that having three stalls was "not significantly more effective than just two."

Munroe, a professor in Brown's economics department, wrote his doctoral thesis on decision making in the modern American bathroom. He says the heart of the problem with three stalls is students' reluctance to willingly enter a stall adjacent to one that is already occupied.

"It's essentially a reincarnation of Edwin's Urinal Priority Theory," said Munroe, "We've just reapplied it, but the argument still holds. When given a choice of three open spaces, people strongly prefer the two on the outside, because it leaves one non-adjacent space open, minimizing potential awkwardness."

Edwin's theory states that the first urinal to be taken is usually one off the side, and the second is then invariably the opposite side, resulting in severe neglect of the third, central urinal. If three people are urinating at once, the middle one is obviously next in line. However, the council's report estimated that in the toilet stall domain, such a three-at-a-time situation occurs only very rarely.

"In the 1800s, sure, when toilet stalls were new and all the rage, and people didn't mind being awkward, then three stalls might be justified," said Tricia Rafferty, a member of the investigative council, "but in today's world, to expect demand high enough to justify three stalls is frankly ridiculous. The world has moved on."

Another issue the council had with the central stall is that, in the event that the first student chooses the center over the corners, the second student faces an impossible choice between two stalls adjacent to the occupied center. This scenario does occur occasionally, possibly because the middle stall is the least used and cleanest, and one unfortunate result is students entering and, immediately and awkwardly, exiting the bathroom once they realize none of their options give them sufficient privacy.

"It is a terribly inefficient situation," said Munroe.

The council's proposal, now endorsed by Simmons, is to deactivate every other stall in many of Brown's bathrooms, or perhaps board them up entirely. As well as saving on maintenance costs, this setup means that no two stalls are adjacent, which the council expects predict will actually improve efficiency.

Nevertheless, some who remain emotionally or politically attached to the stalls have expressed concern that Simmons has overplayed the issue, calling her tactics a crude form of yellow journalism.

However, most remain supportive of the plan. Marlene Griffith '10 said of Simmons' alleged sensationalism: "If it were yellow, I'd probably say let [the stalls] mellow. But this is Brown, and I think it's clear what we must do."

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools