That One Story You Always Tell Not Actually Funny, Researchers Find
Andrew White
Issue date: 12/4/09 Section: Science & Technology
A study led by Brown alumnus James Chun '03, to be published in the Journal of Natural Science, has made an astonishing breakthrough in the exciting new discipline of Asshole Studies - or, as the field's experts call it, Asshole Studies.
Chun has demonstrated that there is a clear inverse relationship between the interesting or humorous factors of a story and the regularity with which that story is told. Research was conducted from a random sampling of "people who didn't avoid eye contact when I asked them if they wanted to be in a study," Chun explained. The study also found that stories involving alcohol, sexual situations, inside jokes or celebrity encounters (or all of the above) were the most frequently told.
"It's startling how many people have a problem with this," Chun commented. "Why would you tell a story that's not funny? It's something I find really hard to understand, because all of my stories are awesome. We should hang out after this and I'll tell you a couple of them. What? Oh, no, I'm busy too. I was just speaking hypothetically."
Chun's work has opened the door for a sudden, explosive increase in Asshole Studies research. "The science world is very fluid right now, and sometimes new findings can appear unexpectedly - that was certainly the case with James's study," commented Asshologist Peter Simmons, who is currently researching the effects of laughing obnoxiously at one's own jokes on an individual's asshole level.
Chun agreed, saying, "I think we're going to see a real outpouring of Asshole research in the months to come." He then launched into an anecdote which was unnecessarily extensive and completely unrelated to anything previously mentioned.
Chun's most recent study is part of his research into "the full spectrum of ways to scientifically determine if someone really is an asshole," he explained. "It's kind of like when I was an undergrad interning for Patrick Kennedy. He's a member of the Kennedy family, you know. Anyway, one time - well, a couple times, actually - he spilled his coffee on me, and he would always say, 'Oops. I didn't see you there.' Get it? It's funny because he obviously did see me there, because I was a vital member of his staff and we had several deep, meaningful conversations every day. Except that he pretended he hadn't seen me! Pretty good, huh? Clearly, Representative Kennedy is not an asshole. He's just the nicest guy."
Chun has demonstrated that there is a clear inverse relationship between the interesting or humorous factors of a story and the regularity with which that story is told. Research was conducted from a random sampling of "people who didn't avoid eye contact when I asked them if they wanted to be in a study," Chun explained. The study also found that stories involving alcohol, sexual situations, inside jokes or celebrity encounters (or all of the above) were the most frequently told.
"It's startling how many people have a problem with this," Chun commented. "Why would you tell a story that's not funny? It's something I find really hard to understand, because all of my stories are awesome. We should hang out after this and I'll tell you a couple of them. What? Oh, no, I'm busy too. I was just speaking hypothetically."
Chun's work has opened the door for a sudden, explosive increase in Asshole Studies research. "The science world is very fluid right now, and sometimes new findings can appear unexpectedly - that was certainly the case with James's study," commented Asshologist Peter Simmons, who is currently researching the effects of laughing obnoxiously at one's own jokes on an individual's asshole level.
Chun agreed, saying, "I think we're going to see a real outpouring of Asshole research in the months to come." He then launched into an anecdote which was unnecessarily extensive and completely unrelated to anything previously mentioned.
Chun's most recent study is part of his research into "the full spectrum of ways to scientifically determine if someone really is an asshole," he explained. "It's kind of like when I was an undergrad interning for Patrick Kennedy. He's a member of the Kennedy family, you know. Anyway, one time - well, a couple times, actually - he spilled his coffee on me, and he would always say, 'Oops. I didn't see you there.' Get it? It's funny because he obviously did see me there, because I was a vital member of his staff and we had several deep, meaningful conversations every day. Except that he pretended he hadn't seen me! Pretty good, huh? Clearly, Representative Kennedy is not an asshole. He's just the nicest guy."
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