The Brown Noser

Issue date: 2/26/10 Section: Campus Life

Media Credit: Sam Eilertsen Other contenders for the S/NC replacement were 1337/n00b, MLIA/FML, and It Will Blend/It Will Not Blend.

In what is being described as an effort to increase transcript transparency, the Office of the Registrar announced that next semester it will begin to offer a Win/Epic Fail grading option, in lieu of the old S/NC option.

Associate Professor of Religious Studies Maryanne Leftfeld strongly supports the change. "I don't know about some of the other departments out there, but let's be honest- if you can't get a passing grade in [RELS 75:] Reel Religion, where you basically sit, watch Star Wars, and talk about how excited you are to go home and celebrate Hanukah, you don't just 'No Credit' the class. Oh no, my friend. You fail that shit epically."

Many students also approve of the new option. Sean Barrios '12, the Academic and Administrative Affairs Chair for UCS, is thrilled with the shift in nomenclature. The primary student advocate for the shift, Barrios has argued that No Credit does not give the full story of student failures, many of which are fucking epic.

"Please- I got a so-called 'No Credit' in [MUSC 75:] Jazz and American Culture. Do you know what that took? I got wasted before the final, and answered a short-answer question by giving an account of the joust where Count Basie vanquished the Count of Monte Cristo. Then when I was going to turn it in, I tripped on a backpack and got destroyed by those Orwig stairs. To make it seem like I fell on purpose, I held up my bloody elbow and screamed that I wanted the professor to be my blood brother. Misinterpreting Apache ritual, I said the fact that he refused meant we had to fight to the death. As I took a short break to vomit onto the piano strings, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, 'You know what? No Credit is simply not going to give an accurate account of my achievements here.'"

Not everyone is happy with the change. Men's Ice Hockey Captain Sean Borelli '10 complains that having his future No Credits listed as Epic Fails will "make my transcript all nerded up." According to Borelli, "Yeah, sure, maybe I fail a class here and there. But I've got to issue a serious nerd alert right now. Code Red. For Christ's sake, it's not like I'm going to be applying for research positions at the Pocket Protector Institute of Science. And even if I was, it wouldn't be for jobs in the Not Getting Laid Department."

Added Borelli, "I just can't wait till Chicken Finger Friday. Go Bears!"

James Dreier, Chair of the Faculty Executive Committee and professor of philosophy, said that while he supports the change, he does not want to jump to the conclusion that students are failing more epically than they used to. Instead, he said, the change could reflect worse vision and more transparent building doors.

"I think people should not rule out the possibility that students are just running to class faster and that the doors to J. Walter Wilson are more transparent than other campus doors. Nevertheless, when there's a student running up the steps at 2:59, final paper in hand, and you see him crash into those automatic doors and swiftly commence lying on the ground in a pool of their own tears and blood, you've got to admit that it's pretty hilarious."

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