Point/Counterpoint- Are You Really Going to Ask For This Pen Back? vs. Does it Look Like I'm Made of Pens?
A.J. Warren
Issue date: 2/26/10 Section: Opinion
|
It's a typical day in class when suddenly my laptop battery dies. I can't Facebook, G-Chat, or Image Search disturbing things that traumatize the people sittting behind me. Time to bring it back to the 5th grade and resort to some good ol' fashioned doodling. Unfortunately, I didn't bring a pen.
You give me a ballpoint BIC with minimal chew marks. Nice. Notice how I used the word "give" as opposed to "lend." You're a student, not a bank (although your Dad might own a few). But, like every other prick who lends me a pen, you turn to me at the end of class and ask, "Dude, can I get that pen back?"
Really? You really want this pen back? Are you kidding? How cheap are you that you can't let a 5 cent pen slide through the cracks? I obviously need it - I have other classes today and I've got to finish the stick-figure flipbook at the bottom corner of the textbook. Here's a nickel, go buy yourself an ice cream cone from 1935.
Oh, now I get it. It's your "favorite pen." Who the fuck has a favorite pen? Unless this thing has a laser point or explodes, then it's like any other pen. Well, I guess I have something like a favorite pen; it's called a laptop and it's way more useful after my roommate falls asleep.
Some people think I'm "stealing" pens all over campus. It's more like The Borrowers. Besides, I give out just as many pens as I appropriate; last week I gave out 5 pens, and made 5 new friends.
"Oh A.J., why don't you just buy a pencil box and keep lots of pens in it?" Yeah, that's a great idea. I can put it in my cubby right next to my Buzz Lightyear knapsack and my crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
This is fair warning to anyone who gives me a pen: don't expect it back, ever. Chances are that I am going to lose it, so especially do not approach me an hour later and say, "Hey, remember that pen I gave you, can I get that back?" Nope. No you can't. I already gave it to someone else.
-A.J. Warren
Counterpoint: Do I Look Like I'm Made of Pens?
Yes, I want my pen back. Do I look like I'm made of pens? Perhaps I misheard you. Did you ask if you could own my pen? No. You asked to borrow it, and now you want to keep it.
I'm supposed to believe you meant you wanted to borrow it until the next class meeting. So now I'm depending on you - the guy who can't even manage to keep himself in pens - to hold on to my pen until next Tuesday, bring it to class, and possess enough foresight to bring another pen for yourself. Because no, it doesn't count if you bring my pen to class next Tuesday only to use it yourself.
Be the first to comment on this story